The System

Now that I'm back to work it's kind of funny and in a way indicative of how the cut back in federal and state funds has caused a brain drain at some public service offices.

Through a crazy series of events I spent the first part of this summer on administrative leave from the hospital I work at. I'm back to work now, in a department that is more suited to my skills, with a pay raise I might add. So it seems to have turned in my favor at least for the time being.

I didn't even register for unemployment for the first week I was off. I didn't anticipate being off over a week and I just didn't want the hassle. Then things started happening and I applied the following week. Everything was going good, aside from a slight delay in the beginning we were doing okay. Then came July 4, 2007!

My scheduled day to turn in my benefits was every other Wednesday. On July 4 this year I requested my check as usual but when I got done and pressed the last key it gave me an error message. I freaked and as it turned out for good reason. When your on unemployment and only getting a percentage of your pay every other week missing a paycheck is crucial so when I got the error message I immediately emailed the address given to me on the web site. The following day the person on the other end of the email wrote back and informed me that I needed to come into the office and get a review. I wrote back and asked if I needed an appointment. I had tried to call, right, I could be retired and on social security before they'd answer the phone at the unemployment office, so I sent an email. Now we're at Friday and I received the return email from the person on the other end telling me no I don't need an appointment.

So that you'll understand fully my dilemma, I live on the south end of town, the office I was going to was approx 20 miles away in the heart of the city. We have one car and Nancy takes it to work, 25 miles in the opposite direction, however all is not lost. There is a bus stop about three blocks away from the house. So I catch the bus and go downtown. It was an interesting ride and I'm a people watcher so it was entertaining as well. The bus dropped me off about half a block from my destination and I could pick it up there to. Things are looking up I go into the office, wait in this line and that line only to be told, at the end of the line, that I didn't have what I needed and had to go back home to get it. This is where it started getting stupid.

You see I was on administrative leave. That meant that I was technically still an employee but wasn't getting paid. they couldn't understand that, and one of the things I needed to get was a history of where I'd looked for work. I had applied for ten jobs but they were all through one guy one phone number. You starting to see the problem? I had to go home and be creative about who I'd contacted about work, then return the next day with the information. I knew God was punishing me for those things I'd done, at a very young age, with my sisters Barbie doll. Oh well such is life.

The following day I took the bus down to the corner of 6th and Cedar, walked in, confident we could take care of business and get this over with. The unemployment gods were shining their light on me. I stood first in line, only because no one else was there. Lady took me in the other room, I showed her my stuff, she wrote on the computer, bang, zoom we were done! Look out, that was too easy. I asked the lady "We done?" she said "yes" I said "You sure?" she said "yes" hot damn I've been forgive. I walk the half block to catch the bus, I'm in a good mood. I took my seat on the bus and headed home...I should a known better! I no sooner walk in the door and the wife says... "The Lady From The Unemployment Office called"...sheeeeaaatt..."You need to go and reopen your claim". What? I didn't close it why should I reopen it? I knew it was too good to be true.

The following morning I took the wife to work. I'd had it with riding the bus, I was going to leave my carbon footprint everywhere. I drove down to 6th and Cedar that morning with a deep sense of dread and despair. I knew I had been sucked into the vortex of unemployment compensation hell and there was nothing I could do, I was at their mercy. How right I was. I no sooner walked in and was ushered to a computer and ordered to reopen my claim. I protested but to know avail the computer showed nothing for July 4th and even though I told them it was there no one bothered to look. After opening my unclosed claim I was ushered over to a guy who filled out some forms and said I'd probably get my check in a week to ten days. "A week to ten days?" I protested, but again to deaf ears. No kidding here's how crazy this is. On July 4th, had my information gone all the way through I would have check in hand on about the 6th of July this is now the 11th of July and this guys telling me it'll be at least the 18th before I get a check and since I had to reopen my claim I won't be able to claim again till the 24th of July. My brain is swimming and I have to go get Nancy from work but I vow to return, and the look in my eye told them I would. In fact I got to know a few by name I'd been there so much.

Thursday morning, I'm headed back to 6th and Cedar with fire in my eyes. I get off the bus and proceed into the office. I demand to see someone now! Okay there was no one there again and I got right in, but it was a good thing! I figured it up that they were going to screw me out of a weeks pay and I was going to say something even if they had security throw me out at least I'd gotten a transfer token and the bus ride back would be free, but the strangest thing happened. Out of nowhere came an all knowing angel. She showed me that the unemployment service had indeed sent me the checks that I had turned in the time for on July 4th and that I should resubmit for another check on the 16th as usual. She understood that they had forced me to reopen my claim. She would not only delete that unfortunate mistake but she would give tongue lashings to all those responsible for the previous days activities. All was again right with the world. I took the bus home.

The following day the check came and we had money for the bills, I had dodged a bullet, right! It is now July16 and I am about to put my trust in my new found angel and apply for my next check. I called the number, put in my social and then the dreaded words " You can not apply for your check yet" "you must wait 13 days for your employers response" AAaaahhhh! And to make matters worse I got a check for half of what I was planning to claim! They were taunting me, teasing me, it was a conspiracy out to get my sanity. I couldn't help but wonder how many other unsuspecting souls they had done away with in this fashion? Do they get a bonus if they drive you completely mad?

I took the bus to 6th and Cedar again. To Elenore the bus driver "this is the book I told you I would write" hope the grand baby's are better and Clarances bypass goes fine. I took my book "The Truth", with jokes, by Al Franken my check for $277.00, that I have no idea why I got it, and went into the office at 6th and Cedar. Where the hell did all these people come from? The worst day for me to have to wait in line and I draw number 179 and the machine said the were on number 109. I went and got lunch then came back. We sat and sat read and sat sat and read, if I ever hit the lottery I'm buying lounge chairs for the waiting room. finally the numbers start to move only because people have gone home, retired or died since they came in, and here's my chance, the kind lady says, "179", I'm in! I explained to the lady that the angel who sits at that deck, and I pointed to the angels desk, the angel was gone. They must have figured out she was intelligent and got rid of her. I told her how the angel had straightened things out and that somehow no one listened to her(I thought I was the only they didn't listen to). I told how I got here in the first place and wasn't she here when the angel handed out the tongue lashings? She agreed that they make it much too complicated but she had only been there 6 or 8 months, she didn't know which, so it all looked good to her and what was my problem. She had me nailed. Even though the angel promised me it was fixed they had me. I just had to resign myself to the screwed up wait and hope they didn't hold my check in protest again. I started to leave but I had to give it one last shot so I asked to speak to a supervisor. Maybe she didn't like me telling her that "I may be unemployed but I'm not stupid" but she had an attitude that was not in the least what I would expect out of a public servant, but the power suit and calves like a linebacker should have given me a hint. To make a long story short she told me to wait till Sunday the 22nd to file, I reminded here the other lady said the 24th to which she spewed "I don't care what the other lady said, I said Sunday the 22nd". A tip of the "Mr. Courteous" cap to the supervisor of the unemployment office at 6th and Cedar and I left never to set foot in the office at 6th and Cedar again, hopefully.

Then came Sunday, that faithful day Sunday the 22nd of July. I was up early that morning. I waited, 8:00am came, I knew I could life the receiver and dial the number but I waited, I wanted them to be able to get it right before I called. Here it was now 8:45 time to call I dialed the number it connected to that familiar recorded message and asked if I spoke Spanish and when I said no it continued in a English, with my luck I would have figured it would continue in Spanish then I'd really be screwed. It asked for my social security number and I complied. If you have ever experienced complete anguish this was it. "You are not eligible to claim benefits due to your 13 days not being up" and "you may claim your benefits after July 5th 2007"! I know, it's time to turn this bus around and head for the barn. I swear thats exactly what the message said I asked my wife to listen and she'll verify it.

By now I know the wheels are off and I need to call in the heavy hitters, damn the torpedoes and if they got an e-mail address then "you got mail"! I emailed my congressman, my state senator, Mr e-mail on the unemployment page and a bunch of my friends and don't you ever think that don't work. hehehehehe

The following morning I received a call from my state senator and the race was on. I talked to comptrollers and controllers, secretaries and gurus and don't you know that by the end of the day I was more confused than before. I wrote my senator back and told him they didn't read any better than they listened and by the time all of that got straightened out it was the 24th I applied for my checks they were tracked by all the afore mentioned officials and on the 26th I received my last full check.

In retrospect I wanted to leave this as a testament of how screwed up things could get but they all worked out, somehow, in the end. LOL Someone posted a new Ben and Jerry's Ice cream flavor that explains it real well a combination of pistachio and chocolate called "Cluster Fudge"

In the Beginning

There was nothing but space...

"Close your eye's and spread your arms and always trust your cape!..."